Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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