Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i think i just lost a toe
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