You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
