I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
