69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
