i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
