there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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