My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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