the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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