how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
