It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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