butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
