Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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