you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
