If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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