I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
