a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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