Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
