why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize