im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
