Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
