best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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