we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
