11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
