five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
