I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
