Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize