ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
