If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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