Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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