thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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