I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
