Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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