Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
