I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
