last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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