no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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