Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
