Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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