I just pynch a tree in the face
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
