Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
