And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
