Dual....:-)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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