D3 body, D1 cock
I heard we made out
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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