I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
