I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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