She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
