He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
