I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
