the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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