i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
