I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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