just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
