Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
