umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
