I love black thongs
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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