the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
