is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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