Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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