And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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