My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
