I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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