I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
