hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
