I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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