Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My pussy is not your playground.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
