I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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