My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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