I'm gonna have a badass scar
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
