I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
