after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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