it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You can't motorboat a personality
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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