So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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