Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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