Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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