Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
