I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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