Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
