After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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